Fear and Trembling

Had the first post-show theatre anxiety dream from Of Mice and Men (for whatever reason, I have the anxiety dreams a week or two after the show. I mean, I'm not complaining---its just a little strange).

In the dream, I was still doing Antigone, with Dave lighting, except Sam was stage managing. I went out to dinner before the show, then came and saw it---and at some point, (presumably) the two of them had re-cast several roles in the show, and added one or two characters who were in the script, but I had chosen not to put in the production. So I saw this, flipped out inside my head, then went and had very calm discussions with them, and then thanked the new actors for their time, but told them that "Unfortunately, their services were no longer required."


In other stories: I saw a man hit rock bottom two nights ago. I was out with GreenPeace, hanging at the office and kicking back. The Art Museum was free that night, so we decided to go over for an hour or so. There was a big formal party there that we thought about trying to crash---but none of us were appropriately attired. Anyway, so a couple of us head off to the bathroom before we leave, to find a man in a full suit, wrapped around one of the stalls. In the Chicago Art Institute.

That, my friends, is bottoming out. His life will only go up from there.


Soaking up life in Chicago---played music yesterday, wandered around Logan's square---realized I hadn't been up there since I was looking for apartments. Its a cute area---not really a whole lot of reasons to go unless you're wandering on purpose---but I liked it. I think I do need to move (in the city, that is) when my lease gets up---I'd like to break the routine I've gotten into here. Not working just did too many weird things, I guess--I'm not in a rut per se, but it is getting awfully close. Maybe when I have a job, that will spruce things up.

Come sail your ships around me

Lounging in my apartment, having just gone on a (somewhat thorough) cleaning binge. There is more to do (mostly making the bed), but I'm feeling pretty satisfied. Next step--job applications!

Chicago has been kind to me in my first few days back---grocery shopping (I don't know why I enjoy it so much...some kind of guilt-free shopping perhaps), wandering in the city, visiting friends, and more.

Went to the Art Institute for the first time yesterday, taken around by a new friend from the class of '08---was a lot of fun! Followed by a wander through the loop/downtown and a nice dinner, a good time was had (I hope) by all.

Watched "Black Hawk Down" again for the first time since it came out in theatres---a surprisingly well made movie, affecting, but not (usually) in an overly sentimental, false way. Whew...kind of exhausting, though.

Oh! "Of Mice and Men" photos are up on facebook, for those who are interested!

Lolthulhu

I need to share this with someone!

http://lolthulhu.com/

(Especially the 2nd one, and the "Mountains of Madness" one....)


Home in Chicago! More on that soon.

Rhetoric, not Reality

Appeasement...what is it good for?

This is maybe the most painful 6-8 minutes of tv I've seen.

One of the talking heads was pretty much right on the nail when he said that stating talking with your enemies is appeasement is nothing less than intellectually grotesque, and a bit embarrassing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbvMdHoOrQQ

I'm just here, scratchin' my dog....

First day of tech week is done. Some things went well, others could have gone better.

I had fun.


Two other things: I had a long and detailed dream about going to a Japanese tapas bar last night. Just involved ordering a bunch of different things, and then them bringing them, along with random accidental things that they didn't order. There was anxiety about money, eating, and all the other stuff. Very strange.

Also, my friend from GreenPeace canvased Martin Sheen. I'm basically the most jealous person ever.

It looks like freedom but it feels like death (its something inbetween I guess)

There is an insane energy in this place during graduation. I don't think I picked up on it when I was here for the '06 event, because I hadn't experienced the...well, the ritual...but now that I've gone through it, its something you can almost taste in the air.

No wonder this campus is so haunted.

I'm not going to post any deep reflections, or anything like that---I've already sent out my touchy-feely songs to the people who had an event today.

Maybe that was part of what was strange about it---the whole thing felt so much like our Graduation, a year ago, but it wasn't us. We weren't changing. We were there to support. Emily hit the nail on the head, when she said that in some ways, this time was more fun---we weren't stressed, overwrought, burned out...we were just enjoying it for what it was.

There wasn't the sense of inevitable loss--since we were back, and seeing people, it seemed so self-evident that we would see people again. My experiences have held that up---even outside of working here.

I guess that's the other thing to write about here: there was a bit of a transition for me today, though certainly not anything near the magnitude of the graduates. I stopped being an instructor at a college, and went back to being a Freelance Director. As silly as that sounds, I realize now that I've been self-identifying with the job to a pretty intense degree---I've been in a lot of situations where I'm stuck in with much older people, and I've had that to fall back on. I've felt the need to (at least briefly) re-format my public appearance: I felt the need to appear as a "Faculty member," and so I tended to use that not only as a crutch, but as a bit of a mask (ooooohhh...he's using a Greek Theatre metaphor....asshole). No, but seriously---walking off campus today, I really felt like something lifted off me--a lot of pressure gone suddenly, and I was allowed to be...well, a recent college graduate again. The thing is, I know all of this was totally self-imposed pressure/self imagined...whatever...but I hadn't realized that it was actually tieing me up.

So! Dave comes into town tomorrow! "Of Mice and Men" tech week starts!

Lets see how this goes----

For the Graduates

I know there are one or two of you who read this. A lot of the rest of you are Kenyon Grads, so this will make sense.

I'll leave you with one thing that was passed to me by the estimable Mike Ludders (pass it on, boys, that's the game I want you to learn, pass it on).

The other is a new one, but seemed right.


"Closing Time"
By Leonard Cohen
(ignore the "groovy-time video, listen to the song. Tell me if it isn't about the end your time at Kenyon. Not ending time generally, but I feel like each line can be synched up with a specific Kenyon moment for me---anyone else get that?)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSRQu5sNcyU

(lyrics)
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/leonardcohen/closingtime.html


The second is "Thousands are Sailing" by The Pogues.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-OnS3LPt0w

Which in part, links up a bit with my experience of leaving Kenyon on Graduation day, one year ago.

"Then we said goodnight to broadway
Giving it our best regards
Tipped our hats to mister cohen
Dear old times squares favorite bard

Then we raised a glass to jfk
And a dozen more besides
When I got back to my empty room
I suppose I must have cried

Thousands are sailing
Across the western ocean
Where the hand of opportunity
Draws tickets in a lottery
Where eer we go, we celebrate
The land that makes us refugees
From fear of priests with empty plates
From guilt and weeping effigies
And we dance"